9 Days. 5 Stages of Grief. And one Green Checkered Shirt.

Explored all 5 stages of grief just in the span of 9 days in 2026. Not just once—a few cycles went by. And definitely not in sequence
Did not lose anything though. Just some time, effort, and a little bit of sanity.
But I did something today which I have not done for around 2 years.

So what exactly happened so bad, boss?

📅  𝗝𝗮𝗻 𝟬𝟭, 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟲 : Found a vulnerability in my site (blog.withkarthik.com). It was taken over by spamware. I succeeded in removing the malware but wanted to be sure, so I cleaned the database. In the process, I accidentally wiped out the backup too. Back to Square 1.
📅 𝗝𝗮𝗻 𝟬𝟯, 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟲: Bought myself a gift to lift my spirits. The wall mount failed, and it broke within 2 hours of delivery. Felt like: “Why is this happening to me?”
📅 𝗝𝗮𝗻 𝟬𝟵, 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟲: Had my SPOM Set A today. I walked in sure of having another attempt since my study plan had zero buffer for a month-long illness.
🏥 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲: The biggest toiler has been my family’s health. We’ve been cycling through viral fever and fatigue since mid-December. Fever ➡️ Cough ➡️ Doctor ➡️ 3 days recovery➡️ Repeat.

Ok, fine—what about that thing which I have not done in 2 years?

Before that, a quick background on the 5 stages of grief I just lived through:
1. Denial: “NOOOO, This is not happening.”
2. Anger: “Why now? Why me? New Year is unfair.”
3. Bargaining: “If I had not done that, this would not have happened…”
4. Depression: A sense of hopelessness. “What is the point of all this effort?”
5. Acceptance: “Ponal Pogatum thozha” (Let it go, friend). Roughly translates to: “You cannot unring a bell.”

Now, the part I haven’t done in 2 years:

It’s only a few who know that I went to therapy for various things. One of them was managing rituals that matched with OCD.

For example: I wouldn’t put on a specific green checkered shirt, believing I would do something wrong or things would go wrong that day. The list is big. Till date, I prefer to keep at least 1.5 feet distance from anyone. I don’t prefer anyone leaning over my shoulder.

Today, I purposefully wore that same green checkered shirt to my exam.
It has not been used for around 2 years. It sat in the wardrobe, only taken out occasionally for a wash until today.

Note: This isn’t advice. It’s just evidence. I am not an influencer here to tell you “You can do it too.” I’m just saying I did it. You have to fight your own battles your own way in your own time. This took me a few years. Maybe you will figure it out in a day, a few weeks, or even a few decades. But still, it’s you.

Other thoughts related to above

1. I think this cycle is bound to happen to anyone. Just the tenure of the cycle or its stage differs
2. I think apart from the KR Model (Today post exam suddenly this model came into mind- may be somewhere from the wellness apps which i used during my tenure at BSR (KPMG)) , there is a stage which is much more dangerous – “Blaming your own actions or questioning your part” – This is a stage which is quite brutal and takes toil on thyself. Strips away any confidence in self.
   • This is like giving dual punishment
     • 1. Suffer For conseqeunce
     • 2. Drain your energy blaming yourself than fixing it.